


The Start Of Something New

by stars_fall_on



Series: Behind the scenes [7]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Behind the Scenes, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:02:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20760794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stars_fall_on/pseuds/stars_fall_on
Summary: How do Cam and Noel deal with the pent-up energy behind the scenes of season 10? Is the uniqueness of their scenes really just dued to their "good chemistry" on screen, or is there more to it than that?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks!
> 
> I'm peering around the corner with a new Mosher work. Yayy. It's part of my "Behind the scenes" series, but has nothing to do with the LOS universe. So you don't need to read through it before. It's a completely new storyline that got stuck in my head in march, when Noel announced his comeback. I started writing it back then, a huge part of it being about a certain dinner that didn't even happen back then. Then real life happened and I didn't have the chance to finish it. But when we got the pictures of the dinner party in June, it felt like a push to go for it again and continue with what I've started. So just be aware, that since I created this story a few month before the actual dinner, it's not necessarily bound to it and there are probably a few things different.  
Also, I keep referring to Noel as 'brunet', since his dark hair color seems permanent at least for the time being of the shoot.
> 
> I'm working on the last chapter at the moment, so I'm going to post them day by day. In the first chapter is a lot of prologue, before the actual story takes over, so it's probably the longest one.
> 
> Enjoy :) And don't forget... It's still fiction ;)
> 
> Thank you @Nicrenkel for not only editing, but also helping me with building the story *mwah*

It's not something he'll ever forget.

His first kiss with a man. He can still feel his soft lips on him, his demanding hands holding his neck in place to not slip more than an inch away from his mouth. Cam's own hands roamed over his trained body, while both panted into each other, absorbing their ragged breaths and savoring every moment.

It was the first time he had kissed a man for real. It was the first time he felt someone else's dick hardening and rubbing against his thighs. It was the first time with no camera involved.

Cam could never forget that one magic night in the trailer, after filming the dock scene with Noel. Hell no, who is he even kidding? He ponders about that every few minutes every day and night, his mind not able to shake this memory off for good. In contrary to Noel.

His colleague and friend broke their heavy make out session after a few minutes with tears in his eyes and short coming breaths. “I'm not going to leave Layla,“ was the only thing he said to him afterwards, before leaving Chicago again and not searching for more contact in the following one and a half years. And that was it.

Cam then got involved in other projects, like Anthem and found a new love interest in Peyton. He felt very attracted to her; they had fun together and could also use the gaining attention to promote their upcoming movie. It was good. Really good. He had a good time with her and stopped thinking about the reddish-blonde man with the bluest eyes for 24/7.

That was, until Noel married Layla out of the blue and didn't tell anyone of them about it. Not even Shanola, which surprised him even more. They just got it from the news.

It was like a punch to his gut. He was hurt. He felt his heart breaking into a million pieces, realizing that he still has more feelings for this man that he'd like to admit. And with that realization, he couldn't stop the tears streaming down his face the whole night. He looked and felt like shit on Steve's birthday party the next day, not able to cover his red rimmed eyes with the make up he purchased. His friends and Peyton were worried about him, but at least nobody noticed or confronted him about the connection to Noel's wedding.

He knew just then, that his relationship to Peyton won't be long lasting. He'll try to hold out until the Anthem's premiere, but probably won't be able to fake through it for much longer. Not after he realized what his heart really craved for.

So while he still shared with Peyton a (mostly) wonderful relationship, there still was something missing... and to know what, without being able to get it, made some days almost unbearable to live through. He wanted to set a cut to all that. Leave this history behind. Leave Noel behind, Gallavich, Shameless. That's why he opted out of signing a contract for another season. Season 9 would be his last and he'd never look back.

Of course Noel agreed to be there, when the curtain falls for him. It was something they always agreed on - Gallavich is going to be endgame, no matter what. So it was no surprise for him when John Wells told him that his last scene would be with Mickey. Noel.

One more scene, he told himself, then it will be over. Forever.

He was nervous, of course he was. They hadn't heard or seen each other in years and the kiss should be long forgotten. He was pretty sure it was like that for Noel. Otherwise he wouldn't have married Layla, right?

He felt a bit calmer when he received the script for 9x06. No kiss or sex scene was planned, which would make it easier for him to get out of this without being completely shattered and destroyed. Mickey should just walk into his prison cell, should just be there, when Shameless ends for him. Mickey and Ian reunited in prison. What a shamelessly happily ever after. Perfect for them. Perfect for the fans.

It was what put an ease to his tense nerves. That's why they were there. They were doing this for their fans. And with this thought in mind, he even started to look forward to their last shoot. Noel had been a friend for years. He'll not end things awkwardly, just because he's not able to stop freaking out about their kiss. Maybe they could start where they had left off before the kiss. As friends, or whatever they were. Maybe, this could be the opportunity to sort things out with a beer after their shoot.

Yeah, Cam really was that credulous to think that Noel would be ready to face him. He wasn't. He brought his wife to the set, to observe the whole situation and not let Cam come too close to her man. At least that were the vibes he's been given.

She was constantly around, circling, marking and touching what's hers. Cam got the message pretty quick. Except for some small talk, there was no opportunity for them to have a conversation. So the only moment he was alone with the colored black haired man was when they were told to shoot the scene. Layla had to stay away from the set and it felt like Cam could finally breathe again. So after she took some pics for the sake of their fans, she told Noel she'd go visit Shanola while he did his work.

They got their makeup fixed one last time and were positioned for their endgame scene. They hadn't even talked about that scene. Hadn't discussed what they could make out of it. They were once again forced to improve within the scene, making the best out of their written 'dialogue'.

Cam stood in front of the bunk bed, his hands gripping the hard mattress, his head hanging low. That's when John called 'Action', and he heard the door being pulled open. He tried to look exhausted and bugged out. Not having the nerves to face his cellmate for the next two years.

But when he turned around, and saw the soft expression Noel gave him, not only did Ian's walls break down, but also Cam's. It wasn't hard for his eyes to start welling up, for his throat to dry out.

“I rolled on the cartel I was working for, and in exchange, guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?“

“Holy fuck!“

“Oh hey, I got bottom,“ Mickey said as he walked past him, Noel's smell filling his nose. “So you're on top!“ He laid down on the mattress below, arms folded confidently behind his head, staring at him full of expectation.

And that was it. That was all there was written in the script.

But somehow, they just kept staring intensely at each other. No one able to break their connection through locked gazes. No one dared to yell a 'Cut' through the heavy weighed silence. They just stayed in the moment. A little longer. Until it got clearer and clearer to Cam what would feel right for the _scene_.

With one quick look back and a hop, he rushed forward and almost jumped on top of his on-screen lover, not feeling any sign of rejection coming from below. On the contrary. While one of Cam's hands pinned Noel down, the other one caressing his left cheek tendely, the brunet gave him a cocky smile and an encouraging quirk of his eyebrows, before Noel's hand reached behind and grasped Cam's neck. His breath caught in his throat.

Suddenly Cam knew exactly what to do, what he wanted to do. What _Noel_ wanted him to do.

Hesitantly, he leaned down, the pressure in his neck encouraging him to do so. His breath coming out in ragged puffs. He started nosing Noel's face, and inhaled the sweet and musky scent from the man that drove him insane for years. Not quite sure to follow through with his next move, he let their noses have a short, mingling dance, until Noel gave him the last bit of reassurance he needed. He leaned up, meeting Cam in the middle for a soft, open mouthed kiss.

He could feel his heart pounding heavily in his chest, sure that Noel could feel it as well. But if the blush that's creeping up Noel's neck and face was any indication, the pulse speed of his wrists, was proof. The brunet was just as nervous about this kiss, as Cam, their tongues exploring the other's in the most cautious and tender way.

The moment where both wanted to deepen the kiss, they got interrupted by a 'Cut' from the team and were brought back from their bubble to reality. It felt so unreal, having Noel's lips on him again, and remembers his disappointment when the scene was done within four takes.

But then, there was this moment back in the trailer. Their trailer. They got both sent back to dress back again and remove their makeup. And when everyone was done with their job, and they were left alone, it was just them.

No words were needed, as looks were shared, lingering, craving. As blue met green and a shy smile tugged on both their corners of mouths, it was all the connection they needed.

Cam couldn't even remember who moved first, though he's still pretty sure it was Noel. Suddenly seats collided with the floor, and their bodies met in the middle for a passionate kiss.

This time, it lasted even longer than the one they shared for the scene. It was just them in the quietly of their trailer, only the smacking of their lips, their pants and sighs echoing off the walls. There was no need to speak, to explain what this meant. They knew it. Cam always knew it.

So when they broke apart, after minutes of kissing, groping, panting and just feeling each other, Cam wasn't so defeat anymore. Even if it was Noel, again, who walked away. Only this time he didn't say anything. Not about Layla. Not goodbye. He just brought some distance between them with a firm push of his palm against Cam's chest and stared for another minute, heaving at him. Then he turned around and left. Cam didn't see him since then.

This impromptu moment, though, showed him that he still had feelings for Noel that he couldn't hide. And somehow he had the feeling that Noel couldn't fully shake it off either. That's what spurred him on to continue with the show. To give it another chance. He wanted a Gallavich storyline, and with Emmy gone, the possibility to get Noel back is huge. The announcement of Emmy leaving was his chance to turn the cards around. To give his character justice.

He knew, that John had nothing much left in hand. No star like Emmy, besides Bill, and no fan favorite like Cam and Noel. So he counted his chances and saw his luck.

He confronted John with the things _he_ wanted. And what he wanted was clear: He wanted Noel and he wanted a Gallavich storyline for season 10 without a breakup. Sure, he knew they wouldn't get an all too rosy honeymoon storyline. This was still Shameless. But John promised him, that if Noel agreed to come back, he'd give them a good and solid story to tell.

The budget was there, Cam knew it. So money wouldn't be a problem this time. With Emmy gone, they had a good ton of money left in the fund and Noel could make the deal he wanted.

The only question that was left in the open was: Was Noel _willing_ to come back? After all that happened between them, would he want to work with Cam for a few months again? Would he be okay with working on a Gallavich storyline, knowing that there would probably be more kisses and sex scenes?

He got the answer after a few days.

_Yes. _

Noel would be back for season 10 and Cam got excited all over, his heart throbbing painfully wonderful in his chest. This not only meant everything for the fans and the show, it also meant that Noel didn't abandon him. He didn't push him away and catapult him out of his life, when he's willing to work on a lovestory with him.

So when their contracts were signed, they both started to get closer to each other again. First through texts, then through calls. Neither of them talking about the obvious from the past. Just a convergency to make their work less awkward.

And it worked. They worked through their first scenes without much tension, even though Layla was almost always in close proximity. Still, Cam tried not to think about it much, didn't want to make Noel feel pressured or hemmed. They had a few months ahead of them, and Cam was optimistic that time will show him Noel's true feelings. If there were any feelings for the redhead...

Cam tried to stay distracted, tried just to go easy into scenes with Noel. Because that's how it always was with him. Easy.

Their bond, not only in front of the camera, is still so natural and consuming, that they don't have to go through their scenes beforehand. They just act and let it flow. And what comes out of it is always beautiful and to John Wells' complete satisfaction.

So everything was smooth and easy going until the day before yesterday. Until Cam received the plan for today's shoots and saw what was predicted.

A sex scene. With Mickey.

With Noel. Naked.

Now everything isn't so easy anymore and he can't stop the thoughts from running like crazy through his mind. His world is spinning since he first woke up in his apartment this morning and he still has no idea what to do with his trembling limbs.

Fuck it. He is a professional. _Should be_ a professional. John Wells expects that from him. _Noel_ expects that from him. So he should definitely get a grip and pull himself together before he gets to the set.

His feet are moving, but everything seems in a blurr. In not even an hour Noel and him will be kissing. Will be pressed together, chest to chest, hips on hips, rutting and rubbing with only their cock socks separating them. Fuck, he is going to faint...

He pulls the door open and finds Noel already sitting in the trailer, getting his tattoos fixed. He didn't wash it off yesterday as it seems, since the make up artist only has to refresh the color.

They nod at each other and share a quick, but deep look, but that's all Cam needs to know, that Noel is just as nervous as him, just as unsure about how this will turn out.

At least that feels a bit relieving to Cam, knowing he isn't the only one dealing with anxiety about this situation. They will go through it together. They'll make the best they can out of it. And without Layla being in sight, this will probably be going a lot easier than the last time.

"Hey," he greets him.

"Hey."

"You alright? Ready?" he asks to keep the small talk going. Not saying anything would be even more awkward than asking Noel if he's ready for the sex scene with him.

"Yeah, fine. You?" Baby blue eyes dart nervously around, not focusing on anything specific on Cam's body, just trailing up and down.

"Yeah, sure."

The redhead puts his bag next to his seat and pulls his shirt over his head to get his tattoos fixed as well. He doesn't miss the side glance the dark haired man is giving him. It makes the right corner of his mouth twitch slightly and the butterflies starting to stir inside him.

Shit, _focus_, man!

He grabs his script from his bag and leans back in his chair to let the artists work, while he goes through the lines again.

From the corners of his eyes he can see Noel doing the same, both trying to concentrate on something, even though Cam's just faking his interest on the script. He knows his lines. There aren't many lines. There are just hands and fingers, chests and asses, heavy breaths and dicks. _Fuck_...

Even though Cam could swear he just sat down, the endless movie in his head seemed to be longer than expected. "Alright guys, you're ready," the make up artist and hair dresser tells them.

The redhead doesn't feel ready at all... Still, his feet start moving and he's waking hesitantly toward the wardrobe with Noel to get undressed for the scene.

The next time he looks at his on-screen lover, they both wear a red bathrobe, the pale skin of their chests shining through. This alone sends a shiver down Cam's spine. Noel must've noticed the taller man's frozen state, shaking him out of his bubble, "You alright?"

Cam nods.

The brunet takes a step closer, looking up at him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "You ready to go, Firecrotch, or you need some time?"

That's all Cam needs. That is why they both are so good for each other -- they know exactly what the other one needs to bring their focus on fucking point. Mickey's already here on set. And so is Ian.

With his chin jutting out and a smile raising on his face, he shoves the smaller one out of the room and into the direction of the dimmed set. "Let's go, tough guy."

There are only a few people standing around. There are always only a handful when sex scenes are scheduled. John waves them over, going through some particulars and telling them how the camera is going to film. In which angle and position they have to fake the fucking for the camera to look real, but also to not reveal their goods to the world.

It all goes so fast and they both nod their agreement, before they're put in place, handing their bathrobe over. "Alright boys, let's show your fans some Gallavich love," he jokes, rearranging his headset, "Everyone on position. Ready? Aaaaaand Action."

They're in the middle of their room in the Gallagher house, Fiona's old room, standing naked chest to chest, Cam leaning a bit over Noel, looking sternly at him. He tries to ignore the burning of his body, where their skin is touching. It's also hard to breathe through the smell of Noel. He inhales and never wants to exhale. _Fuck_. Focus!

"You go to the job interview, Mick," he says, pushing the brunet towards a desk, caging him.

"Fuck off," the smaller one doesn't look at him, lets his eyes travel around the room, giving _Ian_ room to go for the sweet spot of _Mickey‘s_ neck.

"Promise me, Mickey!" he demands, while he licks and nibbles on Noel's pulse point, feeling it speeding up under his greedy lips. The smell and close proximity to Noel alone makes it hard for him to keep his dick from twitching. Their hips aren't touching yet, but they're so close, Noel would probably still feel it.

"You seen those outfits man? Fuckin' ridiculous!" the blue eyed man states, his tone not that harsh as Mickey probably wants it to be.

While still kissing him from the neck to his ear, panting a bit inside, his hands travel to Noel's ass and start to move, giving the camera the idea of opening his boyfriend up with his fingers. Noel sighs and sinks a bit more against Cam's skin. "Come on, Gallagher, I'm ready." he pleads, his voice wavering.

"Promise me," he almost whispers into Noel's or _Mickey‘s_ ear, while his right hand still moves on his ass, touching and massaging his cheeks to make it look as realistic as possible. He tries not to think about his spinning head and hammering heart. He also tries not to think about his dick starting to twitch.

The huff of Noel's laugh brings back his concentration again. "You using your dick to get me to this fuckin' job interview, Gallagher?" Mickey asks, moving his head to look at Ian with raised brows, biting his bottom lip. _Fuck_, it makes Cam's knees go weak. Still. He tries to stay put, staring at his on-screen boyfriend with a challenging look until he caves. "Fuck, fine," he resigns aggrivated, "Now would you fucking fuck me already?"

Cam's lips spread to a smile. He doesn't even know if it's written in script, but he can't help it. Noel in annoyed-Mickey-mode is some sort of a kink for him.

His heart starts pounding heavily in his chest at the knowledge of what is going to happen next. The redhead rushes forward and captures Noel's lips in an open-mouthed, hungry kiss. Their tongues find their rhythm easily, while Cam's hands grab Noel's asscheeks and lift him onto the table. The brunet's hands lace behind his neck, pulling him closer, more on top of him. Strong thighs wrap around his hips and with one shove forwards, Cam pretends to have entered Noel's, or more precisely, Mickey's ass.

Then he starts with the hard thrusts, rubbing his dick every now and then accidentally against Noel's. Shit. That won't end well.

While they're rutting against each other in unison, their tongues mingling with fierce and Noel panting an almost inaudible "Fuck" into his mouth, Cam feels them both swelling between his hips. He feels intoxicated, his blood rushing in his veins, not able to hold back his personal desire in this scene, when suddenly he hears a sharp "Cut!" and is ripped out of his haze.

In an instant they both get their bathrobe thrown over their bodies, Cam happy that he won't have to share his boner with other people from the crew, and makes two steps back to bring some distance between them.

Hesitantly he searches for blue eyes and his breath gets stuck in his throat when he finds them staring deeply at him, Noel's chest still heaving from the intensity of it all.

"Phenomenal! Awesome!" John calls out, tearing them once again out of this moment. "We do it again. Exactly like that. That was excellent. New camera position, please!"

Staying in the same spot and staring at each other, Cam notices the people around them starting to hurry. Afraid how far the second take is going to get him and his aching dick, he forces his shoulder to roll, getting some distracting movement into his body. Slowly Noel climbs off the table as well and they both position themselves back in the middle of the room.

"Alright guys, aaaand Action!"

They go through the scene six more times, always shooting it from another perspective. The passion between them grows each time, making it harder to let go, when the inevitable 'Cut!' is being yelled. Their lips are raw and cherry red from all the kissing, Noel's neck sporting the beginning of a hickey from Cam's demanding sucks and licks. Their cocks are both rock hard and leaking, not even ebbing away in the short breaks they get.

It gets more and more intense and real each time, and also a bit frustrating. And now, at their promised last take, Cam doesn't know how to stave off his impending orgasm.

Noel has already said his last line and Cam has him on the table again, shoving forward and starting to move between Noel's strong thighs. They are licking into each other's mouths, absorbing their ragged breaths between teasing bites, while both try to get rid of the tension that's ready to explode between them.

The redhead doesn't know where to focus anymore, there's only _Noel_ he's feeling, tasting, hearing and smelling. He's all consuming. He's all his mind is able to absorb.

With his next shove of his aching dick over Noel's, he has to bite hard on his lips, to keep himself from cumming into this fucking cock sock. His coworker welcomes the kissing pause to take a deep breath, mumbling his inaudible "Fuck," and bringing his lips to Cam's ear. When both of them let a moan escape their throats, Cam feels Noel's grip tighten around his neck, pulling him even closer. "Fuck, Cam!"

It was not more than a breath. A sigh. Hardly audible for him, and pretty sure not recorded from any camera or microphone. But it was there, the redhead is sure. For him.

This was only for him.

Everything in him begins to pulsate even more, just as Noel starts trembling in his arms, below him. His climax within reach, he goes for Noel's mouth again, rutting with more fierce forward.

"Cut! Thanks guys, we have everything we need. This was perfect!"

Fucking John Wells!

Within seconds they have their bathrobe thrown over their shoulders, Noel leaving the set in a hurry.

His heartbeat still galloping wildly in his chest, the redhead knows exactly where to find him and almost runs after him to the wardrobe. When he pushes the door open, Noel is there, standing in the back of the room, still in his red bathrobe, looking almost waiting.

Blue meets green in an intense stare again, their breaths coming in short puffs. Without thinking, Cam locks the door behind him and rushes forward, the colored brunet meeting him in the middle for another desperate kiss.

Cam's hands are cupping Noel's face, pulling him even closer, while the shorter man lets his hand rest on Cam's hips, bringing their groins together. Within seconds they start where they have left off, grinding and kissing in the most desperate and beautiful way.

Somewhere in the haze, they peel the fabric off their shoulders, letting their erections come to full size inside the cock socks. It's all happening so fast. While they keep their mouths locked and their tongues keep sliding, their rolling of hips becomes wilder and more frantic. In the next second, one of Cam's hands trails over Noel's toned and soft body, freeing his dick from the last remaining fabric and starts jerking him off.

Noel's head falls backwards with a loud moan, sighing Cam's name mixed with some "Fuck's". Before he's back to attacking the redhead's already sore lips, Cam feels his cock sock getting ripped off as well and a wonderful warm hand engulfing his throbbing arousal.

"Shit," he mutters, his forhead pressed to Noel's, as they both near their inevitable orgasm. He lowers his gaze to stare into blue eyes, only to find that are no longer blue. The pupils are blown, taking Cam's breath away. Both their mouths gape open, panting heavily into each other's faces, while their hands work faster and more frantically.

A lip bite of the man in front of him, and the redhead is done.

"_Noel_," he sighs, before he shoots his cum right into the other man's hand, his own still trying to move with the spasming of his limbs from his overwhelming orgasm.

Two more tugs and a lick across Noel's puffy lips and the smaller one finds his own release. He emits a loud gasp, his toes curling into the hard cement of the floor, while his jizz flows right into Cam's hand.

Both shake through the aftershocks of their climaxes, their strokes on the other man's spent cock getting slower and losing its power until they're only heaving messes in the middle of the room.

The brunet is the first to take a step back, detaching himself from Cam's body, mumbling a breathy "Fuck". Without saying anything else, he walks to a table, getting some tissues and hands the redhead some over.

"Thanks," he mutters, cleaning his hand with the paper.

His world is spinning, not able to comprehend what had just happened. He only knows, that if he's already flipping out on the inside, what kind of tornado is forming behind Noel's inner walls?

The smaller one is already avoiding his gaze and getting back dressed, uncertainty written all over his pale and sweaty face. Before Cam is able to grab one of his clothes, Noel is fully dressed, and on his way to the door. He stops shortly on the height of Cam, his pupils darting nervously around the other man's face.

The redhead wants to soothe him, wants to take his worries away. "Noel," he tries, but is cut off.

"Don't."

And that's all. Gathering his bag from the floor, he leaves the wardrobe without saying another word, throwing the tissue into the trash can while walking away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for leaving kudos and/or comments. I really appreciate each and every of them <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short update - enjoy chapter 2!

Black or white? Black or white?

He decides to go for the black dress shirt for tonight's dinner with his colleagues, throwing it on together with some cologne. He checks himself one last time in the mirror, deciding that he doesn't look as bad as expected after last night.

He didn't get a lot of sleep; he probably slept only the last two hours before his alarm rang, but still. Even though he hadn't slept much, even though Noel ran away after their encounter, he still feels.. _optimistic_, to say at least.

Thoughts from the events before haunted his mind the whole night, denying him rest, until his brain settled for one thing:

This means something!

_He_ definitely means something to Noel, that much is clear now. Otherwise his coworker wouldn't have let it come so far, yet again.

So without thinking much about _what_ it all could mean for them, or for Noel and his wife, he just let himself be happy and content for a bit, that it means _something_.

He doesn't need to put a label on it for right now. He just wants to give it time and let it grow. Whatever this may mean.

He will see Noel in probably half an hour, and since he can read him like a book, he'll know if the events from last night caused any damage. But Cam wants to be as casual about it as possible, not wanting to pressure Noel or cage him in. He knows that this would lead them in a completely wrong direction.

So his plan for tonight is clear: First, giving Noel time and space to let the probably awkward situation settle, then starting group conversations where Noel is involved. When he then gets a sign of acceptance, he'll go a step further and maybe have a conversation with Noel alone about random things. Maybe they even joke around and let them get back to their old behavior with each other.

It should be easy. Noel should see, that he's okay with them giving it time. Letting it all happen on its own. Maybe Noel only needs time to come to the point, where Cam already has been since almost two years ago.

With this in mind, he hops into the taxi and gets out at the arranged restaurant, greeting his friends and coworkers that arrive at the same time as him.

He takes a seat beside Shanola and Jeremy, Steve sitting right next to his on-screen wife. He's in a good mood, excited, really looking forward to see Noel. He even agreed with Shanola to keep the seat across from them free for him.

As the table gets fuller, the whole cast is coming together, Noel is still missing. The redhead doesn't think about it much, even though the tingling and his nervousness get more with every passing second. But he distracts himself, joking around with Jeremy, ordering a beer from the waitress and tries to stay as optimistic as possible.

That is, until the door opens and Cam's world turns upside down. The man he's been waiting to see all day enters hand and hand with his wife. Layla.

Even though he hasn't even eaten anything yet, he gets sick to his stomach, feeling his lunch welling up his esophagus. He didn’t even know a human is able to feel that much pain. Until _now_. Now, he knows what it feels like to get his heart shattered into a millions of pieces.

He isn’t able to breathe properly, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He’s panting through parted lips. Why did he bring her? After all that happened yesterday? Why the fuck did he bring her to their show dinner? No one else brought their spouse. God damn it. Was Noel really that afraid of facing him alone today, that he invited Layla last minute to make a statement to Cam without needing to have an actual talk? Because that's what it is. A loud and clear statement.

Cold sweat is forming on his forehead, his pupils not able to focus on anything other than the fork right infront of him. He forces himself to breathe, forces himself to get a grip and just endure this night with a lot of alcohol.

But then, just when Noel and Layla come closer to greet the last remaining people on the table, Cam gets painfully aware, that they are going to sit opposite of him the whole night, and he just feels the overwhelming urge to get the fuck out of here, before he’s throwing up in front of his friends. He mumbles an almost inaudible “Excuse me,“ right into Jeremy’s ear and gets up, quickly passing Noel and Layla without drawing their attention. At least, not Layla’s.

“Wasn’t Cam right here?“ she asks Noel confused, wanting to greet her husband’s friend and colleague. But he only shrugs, his eyes scanning the room for Cam.

“Uhm, yeah,“ Jeremy answers then, “he just went to toilet, I guess. I’ll go check on him.“

As soon as Cam gets to the bathroom, he pushes one stall open and immediately throws up. FUCK! How could he not have thought about that? In all the scenarios he went through the whole night and day, Noel bringing Layla to the dinner had never even crossed his mind.

He's still dry heaving for a few moments, trying to regain some control over his body, before he gets up and walks to the sink on wobbling legs. He turns the water on and splashes the cold liquid to his face. When Jeremy enters the room, he's leaning on the sink, panting, staring into the mirror.

“What’s wrong with you?“ His on screen brother steps closer, stroking his back. The redhead just keeps staring straight at his own miserable reflection, not able to get one word out. He's forcing himself to calm the fuck down from this shock and regulate his pulse back to normal. “You were in a good mood when we came here," Jeremy continues, "looked happy and excited. Then I turn around to greet Noel and Layla, and when I turn back you –“ he stops abruptly, staring straight into Cam’s face through the mirror, “_Oh_.“

This is when the broken man loooks up for the first time, locking eyes with him through the glass. A few moments pass in complete silence. “Don’t tell anyone, okay?“ Cam begs, his voice broken, “Promise me.“

Jeremy clasps his hand infront of his mouth, rubbing at the corner and breathing in deeply, not looking as if he's expected this reaction. “What did you-? I mean. How did you-“

“Promise me, Jer!“ Cam demands with more urgency. 

“Okay, yeah. Of course,“ his friend nods, “I promise.“

The sigh Cam emits sounds relieved. He's letting his head hang low between his shoulder blades, the pain around his heart coming back in an instant.

“You wanna get out of here? Go back to your apartment?“ Jeremy asks, before his left hand starts rubbing up and down his spine again to soothe him.

The redhead is thankful for that. For someone who _knows_ and is just there for him. Even though it helps shit at the moment. “Yeah," he mutters, his tone defeat, "but I can’t.“

“We can tell them you got sick.“

“He’d know.“ Cam shakes his head slowly, the tiredness from last night finally overtaking him.

Jeremy keeps staring at him worriedly. “Yeah, but it looks like he _should_ know, eh?“

Cam straightens up, smoothing up the creases in his black button-up and checking himself in the mirror once again. He can do this. Noel knew exactly what his appearence with Layla would do to him. He hurt him on purpose. He's not going to give him that. “No,“ Cam finally answers, turning around to face Jeremy, “it’s alright. I got it.“

He then starts walking past him to the door, before Jeremy’s voice makes him halt once again. “Layla wanted to greet you.“ Just the name alone sends a cold shiver down his spine. And not in a good kind of way, like Noel could make him feel. “Before you left. You know. Noel probably, too.“ The redhead feels his pulse speeding up again. “You ready for that?“

_No_! He's not ready for that. Of course not. But what other options does he have? Fleeing to his apartment to cry through the whole night? Show Noel how much he's hurt him and let him and his wife have a wonderful dinner with _his_ friends? He was invited here as well. And Layla certainly was _not_.

He squeezes his eyes shut, taking one last deep breath through his nostrils, before he pushes the door open. “Yeah. Let’s go!“

Going back to their table, Cam tries not to let the fake smile on his face falter away. He kisses Layla on the hand just like a gentleman, making her blush. It was the only way of avoiding her eyes and not getting too close to smell her. Noel gets up, hesitantly wanting to hug Cam just as he did with his other colleagues, but Cam quickly sticks his hand in his direction, making his own statement to the smaller man.

Noel takes it and all Cam can feel is cold sweat. His eyes shift for a moment into the other man's face, noticing his terrible appearance, before he forces himself to look away again and take his seat to have dinner.

He's happy that they get the food shortly after that. It helps him to focus on his dinner and avoid eye contact with Noel and Layla at any costs. Luckily Jeremy's also there to keep him busy with talking, knowing that his friend probably needs all the distraction he can find. Talking and listening to Jeremy helps him zoning out voices he doesn't want to hear.

He can't help the corner of his eyes, though, finding the man of his interests every once in a while. It's when he notices Noel trying to find eye contact with him every time green eyes flicker unintentionally in his direction. He's pale, has glassy eyes and breathes hard. He's obviously not feeling well with the situation himself. Even though he tried everything possible to shut Layla and her voice out of his system, he heard her checking on her husband's condition twice, asking if he's okay.

Noel just stammered something about his circulation and that he didn't get enough sleep last night. At least something. When he hasn't got a problem to bring Layla here, at least the guilt keeps him awake at night as well. Why should Cam be the only one hurting?

As soon as the dessert is cleared from the table, Cam jumps up and leaves his seat as fast as possible. He walks to the other end of the table, joining Bill, Emma and Ethan there, pretending to be deeply involved in a conversation with them. Not that he doesn't want to. But his priority is just to get away from Noel and Layla as far as possible. So he counts that as a win and is glad that minutes of this disastrous evening have passed by without having to hear specific voices.

With the last sip of his third beer, he gets up, heading to the toilet. Three hours. That's how long he made it. No one could give him shit if he's the first to leave after three hours, right? Since they are all eyeing him, as if he's a zombie, checking on his condition every half an hour.

He shakes the last drop of urine into the urinal, tugs himself back in and steps in front of the mirror to examine his look, himself.

He for sure didn't expect the follower, that pushes the door open, next.

“You going to ignore me for the rest of the season?“

Cam doesn’t say anything, he’s not even looking at him. He doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction. He's just continuing to wash his hands and dry them with one of the white folded towels that are laying on the side of the sink.

That is until he's feeling a hand grabbing his elbow, “Cam!“

"WHAT?“ he turns around furiously, panting right into Noel’s face, his look stern.

The brunet seems to be a bit perplexed by Cam's harsh tone, his eyes staring desperately at him. “It’s not like you didn’t know I have a wife.“

As much as it hurts to hear these words, they still make the redhead huff a laugh. Noel doesn’t seem to get a thing about what’s going on. “That’s not –“ he shakes his head, ending the sentence right here and there as another bitter laugh rolls through his teeth. He sidesteps Noel and heads to the door, realizing the smaller one is following right on his heels.

With a tight grip on his shoulder, he’s turned around again. “That’s not _what_? Huh? You think that’s funny for me? Think I have a good night?“ Noel pants right into his face, his nostrils flaring from the overwhelming emotion. Cam can see the tears that are welling up in front of the baby blue eyes, he usually loves to look into. But not tonight. Maybe not ever again.

“I don’t care if you have a good night or not." Cam leans down, panting his sharp words right into Noel's face, while his fingers poke into Noel's chest, "Just leave me alone and enjoy the rest of your evening with your _wife_.“

Again he takes one step back in the direction of the door, wanting to leave his colleague standing there, without saying anything further. But again, Noel has other plans. “CAM!“ he almost yells, rushing forward to grab Cam by his black button up and pressing a kiss on his lips with a soft sigh.

Shell shocked from what's happening, the redhead lets himself feel those wonderful pillowy lips for about two seconds, before his head beats his heart. “Get the fuck off me!“ He pushes Noel roughly away, shoving him in his chest so that the latter one has to take two steps back, “Don’t you dare kiss me again, when your wife is only a few meters away.“

Noel’s eyes are big and even more glassy now, his mouth gaping open, obviously waiting for the right words to fall out of it. He looks like a wounded deer in the headlights, close to crying. “What should I do, Cam?“ he sighs, his voice barely audible for the taller man, who’s panting heavily in front of him. “Huh? Tell me what to do.“

A few quiet seconds pass, where Cam really ponders about his options. About what Noel should do. But after tonight's events, it seems that Noel has already _made_ a decision. He brought her. Knowing damn well which damage this would cause.

“I don’t care what you do, Noel. Have a good night with your wife!“ With that he leaves the bathroom, not hearing Noel’s desperate sobs anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't hate me ;)
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos and/or comments :-*


	3. Chapter 3

(Noel's POV)

_Fuck._

What did he do? What was he thinking? Why did he do that? Or, what else should he have done?

He doesn't know.

The only thing he knows is that he's hurt Cam. And himself. A whole fucking lot.

One thing he learned out of this is that Cam definitely means more to him that he was willing to admit over the last two years. Ever since their first real kiss without cameras being involved, he can't stop thinking about this guy. He managed to think about him a little less every few days, but there wasn't one single day, his mind didn't wander to him once.

He knew he was fucked, and it scared the shit out of him. He has built himself a good life with Layla. They had a house in LA. They had two cats and common friends they used to visit regularly. He couldn't just throw that away because of one night where the passion took over them after filming the dock scene. Right?

And when Cam started dating Peyton, he knew for sure that this was only a one time thing. It didn't mean anything. It _shouldn‘t_ mean anything.

He even thanked Cam innerly that he started dating that Disney girl. It helped him to rip an old band-aid off and showed him what he had to do: Finally marrying Layla, after being engaged for so long.

Still. It didn't help as much as he hoped it would. Yeah, it got his actual relationship some honeymoon mood back, but not for as long as it probably should have. And not with one single day not thinking about _him_..

He just started to accept that this was the new way of living for him. With his wife, he truly loved and cared about, and a certain tall ginger on his mind. He was accepting of it, didn't try to change anything about it or searching for contact from the other man. Things were... _okay_.

Until John Wells called and told him about Cam leaving the show. He knew what it meant. They always talked about the situation, when Cam was ready to leave Shameless behind. Gallavich would be endgame, which meant that Noel needed to return for a scene in season 9.

He was ready to do that. Ready to face the man that besettet his brain 24/7. They were both adults now. Noel married and Cam in a relationship. Nothing would happen between them. They would just film the scene and maybe find their way back into a friendship, one that wasn't so awkward anymore. That was what Noel hoped for. Maybe this would cure the pain of uncertainty that's still lingering deep in his bones.

But before Noel could meet Cam with nothing but friendship in mind, the news hit him: Peyton and Cam broke up! Cam would be single, when they're shooting the scene, and somehow Noel couldn't deal with that.

Out of fear he suggested Layla to come with him and be there, when the beautiful lovestory of Ian and Mickey ends with a last reunion scene. Of course she was willing to.

Ever since the dock scene kiss, she knew that something was up. She didn't know what exactly was up, but she knew Noel well enough to sense that something has shifted.

A few rough weeks followed, where she accused him of cheating. Of having some other woman beside her. Of course he defended himself, telling her that it wasn't true. Because... It wasn't. But he was too much of a pussy to tell her that he cheated on her with his coworker and friend Cameron.

...If a heated kiss after filming a passionate scene could be called cheating.

That's what he tried to convince himself from: him and Cameron just tried to get the intensity and passion of the scene off of them.

He huffs a bitter laugh at his idiocy back then.

So when Layla went with him to set, to film the endgame scene, Noel could see the disappointment in emerald green eyes and in an instant chided himself for bringing her.

He was glad that she at least wasn't there when they did actually film the scene. Because even though no kiss was intended, it came to it. Of course it did. It always led to kissing when both of them were left to improvise. It was good his wife didn't have to see his blush. Or feel his impending heartspeed.

Everything that happened afterwards felt like a blur. A rush of endorphins. Without thinking it through or saying anything else, he just hurried torwards the moment him and Cam were left alone in the trailer and kissed him.

It felt so good. It scared him, how good it felt. How good Cameron still tasted after more than a year. It was the moment he knew he was addicted and could never get enough. It was, when he knew, that Cameron Monaghan will most likely be the death of him..

But again he left and didn't reach out for any more contact. He accepted his secret crush on his coworker and didn't search for explanations what this could mean if he would give it a shot to mean _anything_.

He just continued with his life, with his projects he had going on, until it was John Wells again, who turned his world upside down. With one call, and an offer he couldn't reject, since it was what he always wanted to be paid on the show, his biggest fear, but also his biggest wish came true. Cameron and him would be reunited for a whole season on set of Shameless. They would be working together for a few months, share a trailer and probably see each other a lot on their free time.

He couldn't explain the emotions that ran through his body when the realization hit him. _Fuck_!

Even though he told himself that he's going to smooth things out between them, make their relationship less awkward and more the way it was before their first kiss, he secretly _knew_ that something would happen again. He knew it, because he wanted it. Craved for it. As long as the redhead wanted it, too...

So yeah, it wasn't really a big surprise to him, that after filming a sex scene with Cam, it led to an intense jerking off session in the dressing room of the Warner Bros Studios. He could've predicted that, and still, didn't do anything to stop it.

It felt so fucking good, even during this goddamn scene. He got more turned on than any actor should ever be while filming and faking sex.

Cam was so hard against him, his lips nibbling at all the sensitive spots of his neck and ear. His breath fanning hotly over his naked body, while he lifted him up on his bare ass cheeks and rubbed his cock against Noel's throbbing arousal. Shit. He got so keyed up, that the moment Cam entered the wardrobe trailer, he was on him. Kissing and groping and touching and jerking. It was primal. But in the most beautiful way he's ever had someone giving him a hand.

He was so overwhelmed from this whole situation, so unable to cope with it, that he took off again. Stopped Cam from saying anything and just let him standing alone in the dressing room. He knew the redhead wanted to talk. Wanted him to finally say something about the situation. But he couldn't. What should he have said? A hundred different feelings were rushing through his body, and he couldn't get a hold on a single one. He couldn't explain what's going on. Not then.

He felt bad for leaving him again. The guilt overtaking his being when he was back home in his bed, alone. Layla was about to come back tomorrow afternoon, and they have planned to go to the dinner, to which John Wells invited the cast, together. Some of them were Layla's friends as well, so that was logical, right?

It didn't feel right, though. He could only imagine what this would do to Cam. What her presence would mean to him. But maybe it was for the better, Noel had thought. Maybe, setting a quick cut to it would prevent them for going any further. Because where was _this_ supposed to lead anyway? A relationship? Probably not what Cam has in mind. Probably not what Noel should have in mind...

He has a wife. And Cam has his girls. Always had some girls. And now he's experimenting with men. That's probably not something atypical for a young man, who is that hot and has fans who'd do anything for him of both genders.

So maybe Noel just thinks about it a little too much. A little too specifically. Maybe it's just the way it is for Cam and he probably wouldn't mind Layla attending the party as well, at all. Maybe it's just the best way to find out what it is to Cam, before Noel lets his head and heart allow to go any further.

Damn, what a big fucking jerk he was!

The moment they entered the restaurant and he saw Cam's jaw claff open, he knew he made a huge mistake. God, what was he thinking? Was he even thinking at all? Three seconds into that night and he just wanted to slap his own face and leave.

Still. He tried to keep the facade up right and go through this terrible evening, though every passing second made it harder and harder for him to breathe. The younger man was ignoring and avoiding him at any costs and Noel didn't know if he has ever felt so miserable and helpless before. His heart was giving him pain, as if someone had it in an constant, tight grip, squeezing it more and more the longer the evening lasted. He couldn't endure it any longer, he had to confront Cam and followed him to the bathroom.

But when their conversation didn't go as Noel hoped it would, he felt even more shattered than before. He didn't even know what he hoped to come out of their little pep talk in the bathroom. He just wanted to soothe Cam and take his pain. But that was not what happened. On the contrary. Noel had to fully face every ounce of the younger man's pain and anger. And it broke Noel right then and there.

He didn't know he was able to feel such a pain, but when Cam was the one to take off this time, he finally got the hold on this special feeling. And it led to one big realization: He can't let this man go. He wanna soothe him and make him feel good all the time. He wants to be the one making Cam smile, not cry. He wants to be there for Cam, when he doesn't feel well and on top of it all, he doesn't want to leave his side (ever again). He'd never let him stand alone, again, and would want to give him all the words he deserves. If Cam would only let him talk to him again...

They drove home, Layla going to bed as soon as she was done with removing her make up and undoing her hair. Noel still sat on the barside of their kitchen counter, drinking a few more sips from his beer in his hand, before he jumped up, grabbed the keys and drove away. Layla would hopefully sleep through his absence.

He couldn't just wait until the next day. He had to do this. Had to go to him....

That's why he knocks on his door at 1:36am.

He has to knock a few times, but after the probably longest minute of his life, in which he imagined Cam being out to bang some random girls out of frustration, the redhead finally opens. And closes the door again.

"Cam!"

"Go away."

"I won't."

"I hope you sleep well on the floor then," Cam's tired voice sounds through the door.

"I need to talk to you," he pleads.

"Oh yeah? I don't wanna talk to _you_, though."

"_Cam_," this time he says his name with less fierce. It's almost only a sigh, but it's desperate and angsty and honest.

A few more seconds pass by, before the door finally swings open, Cam already back on his way to the living room in his white tank top and grey sweatpants.

Noel shuts the door, walking up to him pondering about his entering words, when Cam stops abruptly in the middle of the room and turns around boldly. "How could you bring her? You knew this would hurt me!“

Alright, straight to the point then. He wasn't prepared for that. “What should I’ve done?" he asks, thinking about his options, "Tell her to stay at home, while I go to the dinner with some of her friends as well? I didn’t have a choice, Cam! She was away for a few weeks now, we planned this weekend weeks ago.“

“You love her?“

The question feels like a punch to his guts, leaving the dark haired man speechless. He didn't expect Cam to be this straight forward. A few quiet moments pass in which Noel tries to find an honest answer to that question. “Yes.“

Big, glassy green eyes stare at him, Cam's mouth gapes open, only to be shut a few seconds later again. He is on the heels of turning around and letting Noel stand there in the middle of his living room, when the smaller man gathers all the courage he can find. “Ask me, if I’m in love with her.“

The redhead's eyes snap open, locking with him in an instant and studying his face as if he's looking for any sign of Noel making a mean joke. He doesn't. He stares back at him with all the empathy and love he carries inside for this man, and he's sure there's also a huge fucking lot of worry written all over his face. Worry, that Cam ends this conversation right here and there without asking.

A few, painful moments pass, before Cam hesitantly questions him. “Are you in love with her?“

“No.“

The younger one doesn’t say anything anymore, just keeps his pupils locked to his, nibbling nervously on his bottom lip. His hands fisted deep down in his pockets, his body tense, as he waits for Noel to explain himself further.

“Damn, Cam. I can’t have this conversation on my own!" he demands, taking one step closer to him. "Ask me who I’m in love with.“

A heavy weighed sigh rolls out of Cam's lips, both of their eyes glassy and on the edge of crying, but never breaking the connection. “Who are you in love with?“

Noel steps up to him, almost touching his chest with his own, peering upwards through wet lashes. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips, while his heart thrumms wildly inside his ribcage. “With a beautiful, tall, idiotic, stubborn redhead," he answers, finally bringing the slightest bit of a smile back to Cam's beautiful face. He's not backing away this time. It is what it is, and he's done fighting it. The only thing he doesn't know, though, is what this all means.

“What does this mean?“

_Fuck_. He hoped he had a little more time for that. Or maybe hoped for Cam giving him the right answer. “I don’t know.“

“You going to leave her?“ The redhead stays stubborn.

“Cam, it’s not that easy,“ his voice pleads for a little more time. Time to think. Time to fix it.

But the younger man doesn't seem to give him time. Not after tonight's events. “I’m not going to be your mistress," he almost spats, taking one step back to bring some distance between them.

“You won’t.“ The brunet takes the step closer again.

“Then leave her.“ Cam shrugs, as if it's that easy. Fourteen years can't be thrown away like that.

“I can’t.“

“Then let me go.“

His demand knocks Noel's breath out of his lungs, not able to in- or exhale for a while. "I can’t do that either," he answers when he finally sucks some air in.

A bitter huff of laugh fills the air, when the redhead is on his heels to turn around and head to the bedroom. “Get your shit together Noel," he tells him, his voice sounding just as tired and exhausted as Noel feels, "and only come back to me when you know what you want.“

“And in the meantime?" the brunet calls after him, "What? You going to ignore me?“

With one last turn around, Cam locks their broken gazes again. “In the meantime I’ll try not to get my heart broken," he says, stepping inside his bedroom and closing the door.

Noel doesn't go after him this time. Cam made his position pretty clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are very appreciated <3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and commenting! Your comments always make my day :-*

They are professionals. Thank god they are. Even after the terrible dinner and painful late night talk last Saturday, they were able to act perfectly together in front of the camera through the whole week. They didn't talk much as soon as the camera lights went out, mostly just in front of their coworkers and friends to keep the facade upright. They were good with keeping the facade upright. They always were good at that on screen and now they just pretend to act a little bit longer.

But it hurt. It fucking tears Noel apart that Cam hardly looks at him behind the scenes. All the wonderful looks he got and still gets from the redhead are directed to Mickey. Not him.

He tried to talk to him, tried to contact him with messages. But in the end he didn't go through with it. He just couldn't get a word out or type something comprehensible in his phone. All the words are stuck in his heart, his mind not able to get a hold of them.

He still doesn't know what to do. Should he leave Layla? His better half, one of his best friends since fourteen years and probably hurt her in a way he's never hurt someone before?

Okay, scratch that. He probably hurt Cameron as much this one night as he would hurt her.

But is she even still in love with him? All he knows for sure since last Saturday is, that he is not. Yes, he loves and adores her, and is glad for all the wonderful years they had together. But he's not in love with her anymore. Probably since more than two years, since he shared his first kiss with Cam.

He could leave her. But then? Would he shatter Layla's world? Would he come out as a gay man? _Is_ he a gay man? What would that do to Layla, if he suddenly becomes officially gay? Would he want to be in a relationship with Cam? Would Cam want them to be _boyfriends_? God, how that even sounds.. Boyfriends.

They hadn't even had sex yet, they don't even know if they'd like it, and Noel already thinks about coming out and living in an openly gay relationship. That's fucking dumb!

But that's what Cam wants, right? He wants him to make decisions.

Even when he thought about that during the last week, and he thought about it a lot because it's like an endless loop in his head, he got a bit mad at Cam. What is the other man thinking? Sure, it' s all easier for him, he's a free man. He doesn't have anything to lose. He can try this out with Noel and if they don't match, he wouldn't have lost a thing.

But if Noel goes through with it, ends his marriage and opens his heart for Cam, only to be rejected last minute, then he has lost everything. His wife, that he somehow carries deep in his heart, his house, his cats and his fucking heart to a tall ginger.

Can't Cam see how difficult and hard this is for him? How much he has to loose?

They really need to talk about it, put all cards on the table and talk this through. Cam's the one who told him to only get to him when he knows what he wants. But has Cam ever told him what _he_ wants? No.

So even though he still hasn't made a decision yet, at least not completely, he needs to talk to the redhead before. Needs to reassure himself that they're standing on the same side. Only then he could go through with it..

Tonight they're all meeting to belatedly celebrate Cam's and Ethan's birthday, since the cast weren't together when they actually had.

Layla's back in Vancouver with her family and Noel is determined to ask Cam to meet him tomorrow for a talk. Today probably won't be the right time. He doesn't want to mess with Cam's night, and it's probably for the best if there's no alcohol involved.

So when he gets to the dinner, his decision is clear. He's going to beg Cam to talk to him.

Only that this seems to be harder than expected. Of course he and Ethan are in the main focus of everyone's attention tonight, they are the two birthday boys. So it's not that easy to get him alone for only a few seconds. And this time Cam appearantly doesn't feel the need to pee, even though he already drank a lot of beer. Noel did too, though he tries to stay sober at least until he's talked to him.

When they change location to a hip club, and the brunet still didn't have the chance to talk to him in private, he gets more and more nervous about it. He doesn't know if it's a good idea to speak with Cam when he's already in a half drunk state and still ignoring him on purpose. During the whole evening he didn't talk to him, only if it was in the middle of a group discussion. Keeping the facade upright, he was damn good at it.

But Noel could see him glancing in his direction every once in a while, his look lingering and hurt. Just as Noel was feeling. His heart began racing in his chest everytime their eyes locked for a few seconds, only to sink to his guts when Cam turned away again.

Now, in the club, Cam's eyes find him more often. And everytime they do, he juts his chin out and gives him an uncomprehending look, his head shaking. As if he can't believe Noel still hasn't talked to him yet, still hasn't made a decision.

This needs to end, for both of them.

Taking one big swallow from his beer, he gets up from the barstool beside Jeremy and makes his first steps towards Cam, who's taking over the dance floor with his dorky moves. He's halfway through the crowd when suddenly, Marissa or Miranda (or whatever Cam's blonde chick friend is called) starts pressing her tiny ass against Cam's crotch and sways with her back on his chest, together with him to the music. Out of instinct Noel takes a step back, watching almost shell shocked the scene unfolding in front of him.

The redhead's arms lock around her waist, guiding her hips to the rhythm of his own. Her head falls back, right on his shoulder, smiling up to the beautiful man, who's looking amused down on her. Cam streaks her hair behind her ear to whisper something into it and both begin to chuckle. It makes Noel sick.

He stomps back to the bar to drown the still half full glass of beer with three big gulps, drawing Jeremy's attention. The blonde man beside him watches him with raised brows, a cigarette dangling from his lips, before he turns around and looks to the dance floor. As if he's knowing the reason of Noel's sudden thirst, he nods with a little mischievous grin on his lips and turns back to him. "One of his friends, you know?" he states, still staring at him from the side.

Without wanting to think about why Jeremy says something like that, he nods with flaring nostrils, trying to get his raging breath under control. It seems enough to mute his friend beside him. He dares one look over his shoulder back to the redhead, who swirls the blonde beauty around him, both laughing loud. She's giving him all the hot eyes and Cam's flirting back nonchalantly.

Noel has had enough. He bangs the empty glass back on the bar table and stomps towards his man.

“I need to talk to you," he says as he pulls on Cam's elbow to get him off this girl.

The half drunk man stares down on him, a little triumphant smile tugging on the right corner of his lip. "You got something to say?"

"Yeah, I fucking got something to say!"

Cam turns fully towards him, crossing his arms in front of his chest. After giving the blonde girl a stern look, she returns to her group of friends. "I'm not doing this here with you, c'mon!" he states, pulling more harshly on Cam's elbow. But the other man seems to resist, standing on the exact same place and not moving an inch.

When Noel raises his brows at him with a blank look, the younger one rolls his eyes and follows him out of the club and around the corner, into an alley, where they are alone.

“You figured out what you want?“ Cam asks, as soon as they come to a halt.

Noel, still completely enraged, turns around and steps forward, chest to chest with the other man, looking up to him. "I told you I’m in love with you and you thought it’s a good idea to get me jealous?“

Green eyes widen, and without a forewarning the redhead leans down and presses his lips to Noel's. The shorter one immediately reciprocates and lets Cam's tongue enter him. He tastes a lot like alcohol, but it doesn't matter, because even through the hard liquor, he can still smack his unique taste. He interlaces his fingers behind the taller one's neck to get him closer, let himself be kissed deeper, get more of him. Fuck, he can't get enough. He has missed that.

For a few moments they give in to the passion, licking and tasting the other one with open mouthed kisses, while Cam's hand grazes over Noel's chest, down to his pants. It makes the brunet man shiver.

“You know what you want?“ Cam whispers, biting harshly onto Noel's bottom lip and fingering with his belt.

“I want _you_.“ Noel mumbles back, their noses mingling at the sound of ragged pants, their hips working for friction.

When the belt finally clicks open, Cam works his hand inside his pants, palming his already half hard dick through the fabric. It makes Noel's knees weak and he feels his eyes rolling in the back of his head, his cock getting fully erect in an instant. "Fuck."

“So you’re going to leave her?“ Cam asks hopefully, his hand moving up and down, his hips pressing against it as well.

The brunet sighs. “Cam _please_, it’s not that easy. Can we talk about that tomorrow?" He thrusts his hips firmly into Cam's hand, his need increasing with every stroke.

“I told you, I’m not gonna be your mistress.“ Cam pants into his mouth, his hand working slower.

“You won’t, I promise.“ Noel stammers, pulling his head a little more closer to him and attacking his top lip with a moan.

Suddenly the other man goes rigid in his hands, stopping the kiss and pulling his hand out from the pants. He takes a step backwards. “Noel- I.. I want you," he stammers, his hands wildly gesticulating in front of his body, "Only you." Emerald green eyes lock with ocean blue ones, the look of despair not missing on Noel. "And I don’t wanna think about you fucking her, whenever you’re at home, while I’m not with you.“

Of course this topic would come up. But this isn't a current topic for Noel anymore. At least it hasn't been since the last two month. “I won’t fuck her," he promises.

A bitter chuckle escapes Cam's lips. “I don’t wanna think about that," he repeats himself, "I _can‘t_ think about that. It makes me sick.“

Cam's pupils dart nervously around, his arms stemmed to his waist. Noel reduces the distance between them, laying one hand on Cam's shoulder to soothe him. “Okay. Hey. Look at me-" he bends down a little to catch the other man's eyes again, that are directed to the ground. "Can we please just go back to your apartment and pretend none of this is real?" he begs, his hand rubbing calming circles to Cam's muscular shoulder, "Just tonight?" When Cam still hasn't said anything in a few long quiet moments, he adds, "And tomorrow we’ll start to figure something out, okay?"

The younger man seems to ponder about his options, not looking at him for the longest moment, until he finally nods slightly. "Okay," he breathes, straightening a bit and giving Noel a little hint of a smile.

A heavy weight is lifted from his chest and he inhales deeply, blinking some tears of relief away. "Okay," he repeats Cam's words, sighing joyful, "Fuck." He can't even find words to describe the thrumming feeling in his body, the excitement that is rushing through his brain. He gets one night with him. One night without thinking about the consequences, or thinking about tomorrow. Just... One night with Cameron Monaghan.

"We should just-" Cam points in the direction of the entrance, indicating that they probably should say goodbye to their friends before heading out.

"Yeah, yeah, of course," he nods, seeing Cam already turning around. Before the younger one steps fully away, he pulls him back on his hand for one last kiss. It's quick and chaste but wonderful. It's a promise. Tomorrow they'll work something out.

When Cam starts walking back in the club, Noel readjust his already flagging dick inside his pants and closes his belt. Then he follows.

Twenty minutes later, they make their way back out, having told their friends they're going to share an Uber home. Noel tries not to think about Jeremy's little grin, that tugged at the corner of his mouth.

They walk side by side in complete silence, looking out for their Uber to come. Both glancing sideways at the other every now and then, grinning slightly when being caught. Their shoulders are bumping, needing to be connected to the other man's body and giving in to the impulse.

"Hey, uhm.." Noel starts, insecure about his next question, but certain he has to ask it, to clarify his wishes for tonight, "you got any condoms at home?"

Cam stops abruptly, staring at him wide eyed. Noel feels the blood rushing through his veins, his blush creeping from his neck to his cheeks. He avoids the other man's look, peering at a point above Cam's shoulder. He still gets the little nod Cam is giving him.

A bit more confident that the redhead didn't blow everything off yet, he asks further, "Lube?"

"You got something specific in mind for tonight?" Cam asks with a big smile plastered on his face, as he steps back up to the brunet.

"Fuck off," Noel shoves him playfully with a grin. "I mean-" he starts, still a bit inhibited to talk about having sex with Cam so openly, "we haven't tried it yet. How should we know if we really want that, or where this is headed, if we haven't tried it yet?!" He only hears a chuckle from the taller guy beside him, making him freeze when a sudden realization hit him, "I mean.. _I_ haven't tried it yet."

"With 'it' you mean gay sex, right?" Cam laughs teasingly, suddenly appearing quite sober again.

Noel only raises an annoyed eyebrow at him. "Idiot."

"I haven't tried it yet, either." Cam admits, still smiling happily about this whole conversation. Hopefully it means he's just as looking forward to it, as Noel. "So you gonna dump me if I'm not good enough in bed? Quite a lot of a pressure on me."

"What? You afraid you're not able to stand your ground?" Noel wiggles his brows, his tongue poking out teasingly.

When they see their Uber turning around the corner and coming to a halt in front of them, Cam leans in close and whispers filthily, "Oh I'm gonna show you how often I can stand my ground, tonight."

Before Noel is even able to get in the car, his dick is back at half mast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what is about to come next... ;)
> 
> Thank you for leaving kudos and/or comments <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the little delay - you know, life with two toddlers ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

They didn't waste time the moment they entered Cam's apartment. This night is too special to waste it with small talk or drinking beer. So as soon as the door shut close behind them, they were on each other, groping, kissing, grinding and shedding clothes.

Before Noel could even realize it, they both were almost naked, only in their boxers with their dicks standing at full attention and laying on Cam's king size bed.

"Fuck," he sighs, as he moves under the other man for some friction. He can feel Cam's hands everywhere, it's like they're burning into his skin wherever they touch him. Everything in him pickles, a feeling as if he's losing his mind. He holds onto him for dear life, his thighs wrapped tightly around Cam's waist, his fingernails scraping down his back. His head is tilted to the side, giving the younger man all the access he needs to suck on his pulse point, his eyes are screwed shut. Both are panting heavily through parted lips, as Cam works on top of him, rutting with so much effort against him. "I'm gonna cum if you don't stop doing that."

The redhead breathes a laugh inside his ear, his hips still rolling. "What do you want me to do instead?"

Noel keeps wiggling beneath him, not able to stop their wonderful connection. But fuck, they haven't had a talk about how this should play out yet and so he just stares wide eyed at the ceiling.

"Noel?"

Cam's voice rips him out of his thoughts. He knows what he wants. Knows what he needs to try out. But he can't say it.

"You want to, uh, fuck me or you want me to open you up?" Cam tries as the words are still stuck in his throat.

But as he looks up to the sweaty man above him and their eyes lock, he knows there's nothing he needs to be ashamed of. Nothing to be scared of. "Yeah," he breathes, "latter one."

A smile enlightens the beautiful freckled face, before he gets off him to pull a bottle of lube and a condom out from the nightstand drawer and throws it on the bed. Without a warning, his boxers are removed and thrown to the floor, just as Cam's, and it's the first time he sees a fully erect and leaking dick that isn't his. He's not gonna lie, it's breathtaking. And the rumors about Ian's nine inches seem to be more than just rumors.

A bit scared of how this all should fit in him, he lets his eyes flutter close and lets himself enjoy the way Cam kisses his body. He focuses on warm hands spreading his thighs and a hot breath fanning over his neck. He focuses on how Cam kisses and bites a trail down his chest, sucking on his sensitive nipples, as one of his wet fingers starts circling his hole. A shudder rolls through Noel's body, trembling from the intensity of it all.

The redhead moves lower with his mouth, letting his tongue swirl into the nape of the shivering man. "_God_," Noel breathes, fisting his hands in red strands and licking over his bottom lip in pleasure. His leaking dick is pressing into Cam's right cheek, leaving a wet trail behind, as the younger man is nosing him there.

Just as Noel feels like he's going to explode, Cam swallows him down, pushing the finger all in. Noel shoots with his back up from bed, a loud groan ripping from his throat. "Jesus Christ!" he pants as Cam bobs his head, his finger moving in and out steadily.

"I didn't take you for being this religious," Cam smiles around the tip of his dick, before sucking the pools of precum out from there.

"Dick!" Noel laughs, before another moan slips out of him.

"Yeah, that's what I'm working on."

He falls back down the mattress and lets Cam do his pleasureable work further. He's already enjoying the one finger in his ass, circling his inner walls and opening him up, when suddenly Cam deep throats him and sticks the second one inside.

Noel almost yells at that, not knowing on which pleasure to focus on. Of having his dick deep down Cam's throat or of being scissored good and wide. But it's probably the mix that gets him closer to the edge. He feels Cam's tongue licking up and down his pulsating vein on the underside of his cock, and doesn't know if he's ever had his dick sucked that good. "Holy fuck!" he pants, fisting Cam's red locks tighter.

The younger one seems to take it as an encouragement, slipping his third finger inside and circling his inner walls. Noel won't lie, it burns. But since he's distracted in the most beautiful way, having so many wonderful things happening to him at the same time, he doesn't mind. Hell no. On the contrary, the more Cam stretches him, the more keyed up and impatient he gets.

Cam swirls his tongue around, bobbing back up and teasing his slit, while his three fingers start thrusting tentatively. "Fuck, you feel so tight," he breathes on the top of his dick, a string of salvia and precum still connected to his mouth, "Can't wait to be inside you."

Before the brunet is able to answer, a jolt of electricity burns through his body, a high pitched yelp is punched out of his lungs. "Shit!"

"Guess I found your sweet spot, huh?!" Cam laughs one last time around his dick, before letting it plop out of his cherry red lips and crawls back on top of him, his fingers still moving. He stares down at Noel, who has a really hard time fixing anything in the room, his pupils always rolling back in his head. "God, you're so beautiful."

Noel isn't able to say something to that, he just knows that if Cam keeps jabbing his prostate and rub his leaking dick against his thigh, things will end way earlier than both of them like. "Get-" he begins, before a moan cuts him off, "Get inside me."

"You sure?"

The trembling man nods. He probably never was so sure in his life.

Careful, Cam slips his fingers out, reaching across the bed to get the condom and pull it on. It gives Noel a little break to regulate his ragged breathing and speeding pulse. He watches the redhead in awe, as he lubes himself up and settles between his legs again.

"You ready?" Cam asks insecure, staring at him wide eyed.

Noel locks their gaze, noticing with how much love and respect he's being treated, and swallows hard. "Guess I was always ready for you, firecrotch."

A smile spreads across the freckled face, before he leans down and captures his lips in a heady kiss. It's when Noel feels him pushing inside, slowly but steady.

The older one has to break the kiss to gasp for air, his fingers digging into the taunt muscles of Cam's back, while he penetrates him more and more.

"God, Noel.." Cam breathes into his ear, when he finally bottoms out, "you feel so good. Fucking perfect."

He doesn't move, though. He just lays on top of him, nibbling at all the sensitive spots on Noel's neck, while he gives the smaller man time to adjust to his length.

He feels so fucking full, so overwhelmed from this new experience, so full of love, that he can't stand the halt. He wants more. Needs more. He wants to savor the moment, wants to revive in him, wants to feel everything his lover is able to give him. Right here and right now. "Move," he begs, nudging Cam's nose with his.

Cameron props up on his elbows, his forearm caging him in, as he slowly starts rolling his hips. Pulling out and pushing back in. He moves in a slow rhythm, careful not to hurt Noel or make him feel uncomfortable. His eyes are scanning every inch of his face for some signs of pain. The brunet feels safe. Fucking protected in Cam's strong arms, and buried below his strong body. If that's what love feels like, he has to ask himself what he's felt all those years.. Nothing comparable to that.

He shuts his eyes closed, focusing on his dick being rubbed between their stomachs, making him feel good. His hands travel down Cam's back to his ass cheeks, pushing and guiding him in deeper, making him understand that it's okay to move faster.

It's what Cam does. Without talking he knows exactly what Noel wants and speeds up, thrusting faster and deeper inside of him, finding the right angle for his prostate. "_Cam_," Noel sighs desperately, as another shudder goes through him.

The movements stop. "You okay?" Cam's eyes try to read him again, scanning his face cautiously.

"Yeah. Just-" Noel starts, wiggling his ass back and forth on Cam's girth, making him whine, "Don't stop."

The redhead grins down on him, picking up his movements and speed and thrusting into him with a bit more fierce. Everytime he hits his sweet point, a shiver runs down Noel's spine, goosebumps spreading on his skin. He kneads Cam's ass cheeks as he rocks under him in unison, panting hotly into his ear.

His dick is leaking on his stomach and already oversensitive from Cam's trained abs rubbing over it, while his prostate is being teased. He feels on the edge of cumming, close to blacking out from too much pleasure.

The way his lover sighs his name over and over into the parts of his skin he's currently kissing, doesn't make it easier for him to hold out. Luckily Cam seems close, too. His hips work faster and harder, his pants are frantic, his lips more demanding and desperate. "I'm so close." he breathes into Noel's mouth, as their tongues are sliding against each other, "Can't hold it any longer, you feel so fucking good."

The brunet answers with a moan, that is absorbed from Cam's greedy lips. "I'm close, too." he stutters, when he's able to breathe.

In an instant, Cam's right hand wanders down between their bellies, pressing against Noel's dick to intensify the friction on it. And then, everything happens so fast.

Within the next few deep thrusts to his prostate, Noel feels the prickling in his guts beginning to spread over his whole body. His toes curl and his fingers dig deeper into the flesh of Cam's ass cheeks as he rushes towards his impending orgasm. "Cam," he stammers, as the other one's movements become more haphazardly, both working on instinct towards the needed release. "God, Cam. I'm gonna-" he keens, already seeing stars behind his eyes that are screwed shut, "gonna fucking-"

"Look at me!"

Noel's eyes rip open, and when he sees the redhead's eyebrows knitted together in pleasure, his face completely flushed and his pants coming short through parted lips, it's over for him. The next moment Cam's dick meets his prostate, while his hand keeps rubbing him, he cums with a loud shout of his lover's name all over his stomach, his body spasming.

Cam bends down, biting and licking over Noel's bottom lip, before cumming with a desperate yelp inside Noel, inside the condom.

Both move through their aftershocks in a tight embrace, holding onto the other one for dear life. Their rolling of hips become slower, while their hearts keep racing in their chests. Noel's hands trace up and down Cam's back, just to feel everything of him. It makes the other one shiver.

As soon as their movements come to a halt, Cam's nose nudges his own, before he meets him in a slow but passionate kiss. It probably says more than words ever could in this situation. It's overwhelming. It's perfect.

And suddenly, it's not that hard anymore for Noel to decide what his heart wants...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more to go ;)
> 
> Comments and/or kudos are highly appreciated! Thank you :-*


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> so here it is - the end of this story. Thank you all for reading along. I'd be happy if you'd drop me a comment and/or kudo below, and tell me how you liked it.
> 
> A big THANKS goes to my good friend @Nicrenkel, who not only edited the whole story, but also helped me with the ideas for this ending!
> 
> Thank you. That was fun!
> 
> *mwah*

He felt defeat. 

Defeat, but also a bit relieved. 

The moment the talk with Layla was over, he was so full of emotions, his face tear strained. Those two emotions were outstanding, though. Another one vibrating beneath his skin not ready to cross the surface yet. 

Step by step, he told himself. 

Layla was tough. The way she accepted it was admirable. She said she had come to terms with the end of their relationship a long time ago. She knew something was off. Knew that Noel was hiding something from her. But she wouldn't have guessed that it was such a big and new part of his life. 

It almost scared him that she wasn't even angry, and didn't yell at him or hate him. Because he hated himself for it, for cheating on the woman, that he used to love for so long. His love for her was never a lie. It just got more and more platonic over the years, already long before the first kiss with Cameron happened. Still, he shouldn't have done this to her. 

But he did and that's something he will always be sorry for. Not for the kisses and the sex itself, because _no_, that's something he would never want to miss in his life. But for cheating on her. 

Cam was right. He just should've made the decision to leave her beforehand. But he was too much of a pussy to go through with it, and with that, he hurt both of the people he loves the most... even though he already knew what his heart really craved for a long time ago. 

He needed the kick in the ass he got from the other man, though. Being faced with the fear of losing him made him finally do it. Made him realize that his marriage with Layla was over. That one man turned his life around and there was nothing he could or wanted to do against it anymore. He was his. Probably was since he started with the show, and most likely always will be. 

He just needs to tell him this. _Again_. 

After the wonderful night they shared together, filled with another round of mind blowing sex and a blow job in the morning, they had their long awaited talk. 

Noel told him that he was going to leave Layla. He promised him. So they kept seeing each other, kissing and fumbling and getting off every possible time. But Noel kept delaying the talk with his wife, which pissed Cam off. 

The brunet wanted to talk to Layla face to face, be able to break up with her in an honest and appropriate way. Cam understood that, and waited patiently for them to meet. The reason that pissed him off, though, was that Noel avoided every possibility to meet her for weeks. 

Cam heard him taking on the phone with her, telling her that it's not a good time for him to come visit her at home in Vancouver since his schedule is so stressful, or he felt like getting sick, or whatever excuse he could find. And he heard him talking to her, like nothing has changed. Like the time he spent with Cam meant nothing, as the redhead accused him of. He kept answering "Yeah, you too," before he hung up, Cam knowing exactly what he was obviously referring to. 

He heard all that, which was the reason for another big fight; which was the reason why Cam started ignoring him again; which was the reason Noel felt broken and shattered for days and finally the reason for him to fly to Vancouver to his wife to end their relationship. 

And here he's now, on his way back to LA to tell Cam that he is ready. That he is all in for whatever the other man has in mind. Official boyfriends or secret lovers, he doesn't care. It doesn't change a thing for him. He wants Cam, and only the handsome redhead, any way he can get him. 

Cam knew that he was going to see Layla. Noel told him through a text, that the other never replied to. Like so many messages before. If Cam is pissed, he stays stubborn as long as it takes for the other one to get the message. And Noel got it. Not through text, but through Cam's cold shoulder. 

He was on his way to the set, where he would meet Cam for shooting the last episode of season 10. His original plan was to drive to Cam's apartment, tell him there about his act and have wonderful reconciliation sex with the man of his dreams. But then his flight was delayed and he had to wait almost a whole day to get back to LA. That's why their first encounter has to be in the Warner Bros Studios again. 

To not have Cam worried about his late arrival, he shot him another text, telling him that he has to stay one more night in Canada because of an airline strike. He also added that he has something important to tell him about, and that he needed to talk to him and wanted to see him. 

But again, no message came back. A bit dumbfounded, about still being ignored, Noel feels very itchy, a pit of insecurity pooling in his guts. Did Cam change his mind in the few days he was away? He should know what the important news was about and be happy that Noel is finally a free man. Anticipate their reunion and, therefore, the start of something new. Something wonderful. 

But it doesn't seem like Cam is waiting for him to get back, which feels like slumping into a dark hole. This was exactly what Noel was afraid of firsthand - him giving up his whole life for the redhead only to be rejected. He couldn't live with it. Couldn't deal with the loss of the younger man and the taste of what he could have had. 

He nibbles nervously on his fingernails, an Uber driving him to the well known Studios. He doesn't know what's going to expect him, a furious and still pissed Cam, a broken man or a joyful and new boyfriend. He hopes it's the latter one... 

To distract himself from the thoughts running like an endless loop through his mind, he takes the script out of his backpack and reads through his last scenes with Cam. It's going to be a perfect ending for their characters and fans and he can't wait to shoot it with his favorite set partner. 

He has everything in mind and is ready for today when he exits the car, takes his luggage out of the trunk, and makes his way to the set. He greets the people who work behind the scenes of Shameless, getting more nervous with every step he takes towards the make up trailer. Cam's probably already there, getting his fake tattoos painted on his trained body, just like four or five other people. How should he greet him with all the other people in there? When his only wish is to tell him that he lov-... broke up with Layla and then fall all over him. Shit.

Stopping in front of the trailer, he takes three deep breaths and lays his hands on the knob. Determined to pull himself together and do his fucking job, he pushes the door open. Immediately all eyes dart to him. Green, tired, sad looking puppy eyes as well. 

Why was he so sad? Fuck.

Noel can't deal with him looking like that. Cam being unhappy and Noel probably being the reason for this is tearing him apart. His only wish is to make the redhead happy. To please him and be everything the other man wants or needs. Seems like he already failed.. Maybe he's not good enough.

"Hey," he stammers, "Sorry, I'm late." 

While all the other people in the trailer smile at him, finding it extremely adorable that he used a Mickey line to apologize for him being late, the redhead just nods slightly and turns back to the huge mirror in front of him, his look blank.

Okay, he can't wait until after work to know what's wrong with his lover. He needs to know now, and wants to make him feel better. Wants to know if Cam still wants him. Or if his look is the reason of guilt that took over him for breaking up with him any minute. Please, _no_! 

"Uhm, can we talk?" 

"You need to get ready for the scene," Cam answers without looking at him, his tone defeat. 

"Yeah, I know, just -" he steps behind Cam's chair, bending a bit down to get the feeling of a bit more privacy, "I need to talk to you. It's important. Just gimme two minutes." 

Cam looks at him briefly through the mirror, before turning away again. "I don't wanna hear this now." 

_He doesn’t want to hear this now_?! What the fuck? 

He doesn't want to hear that Noel threw his whole life away for him, because Cam made him believe there could be more? Because Cam made him fall in love with him only to back away last minute? 

"Cam, please, let me -" 

"No!" And with that he hopped off the chair and stomps out of the door, all his make up fixed and done. 

"We're going to do yours now, Noel," one of the artist girls tells him, "Your hair color is still black enough, I see, so we just need to do the tat-" 

"Uhm, sorry, be right back." 

He makes his way to the entrance and gets out as well, his eyes scanning the vicinity for the upset redhead. He can't see him, but knows where he most likely will be next. 

He walks towards the dressing room, all the memories from in there flooding his mind. When he pulls the door open this time, though, he doesn't find Cameron alone. He is again surrounded by coworkers, who hand him his clothes for the scenes. 

He takes a deep breath through his flaring nostrils and speaks up, "Sorry, can we have a moment, please?" he asks the two young ladies, who have their greedy hands on Cam's shirt, patting and readjusting it. 

The redhead only rolls his eyes, "You don't need to -" he starts, but is cut off from the blonde girl. 

"Yeah, 'course."

In an instant they let go of him and walk outside the room to give the boys a minute. Cam sighs annoyed. "That's not necessary. We don't have time for this shit now, Noel." 

"This shit, huh?" Noel repeats flabbergasted, stepping up to the other man, "I'm ending my marriage and relationship from over fourteen years for your ass, and you don't even have time for me to tell you that?! What the fuck is wrong with you, Cam?" 

Big green eyes observe his face. "You did, what?" 

The brunet knits his brows. "What do you mean, you did what?" he asks confused and enraged, "I told you I was gonna leave her. You knew what I was going to do," he says, taking one more step towards him, only a few inches seperating them now. "Or you would have, if you'd read and answered my goddamn texts!" 

"I... I read them," Cam stutters, looking almost defending, "and first I was optimistic that you are going to leave her. But then.." he bites hard down his lips, Noel can see him pondering about his next words, "your last text was very cryptic. You didn't say anything about how the talk went down, just told me that you need to see me to tell me something important."

Noel's dark eyebrows shoot up, "And?", he asks, not getting what Cam was referring to. 

"And so I thought she talked you out of it. That you stayed with her last night and that you needed to see me to-", the redhead gasps loudly, throwing his hands in the air to surrender, "to break up with me, or whatever." he mumbles the last part. 

A few moments of silence pass, in which Noel lets Cam's words settle down. When it finally clicks, that they both were afraid of the same fucking thing, he huffs a breathy laugh. "You're an idiot, you know that?" He takes the last step towards the traller man, laying his hand in his neck and forcing him to lock their gazes. "Man, you nearly gave me a heart attack, here. I thought _you_ changed your mind and are going to leave me hanging." 

Big green eyes get glassy, his pale skin finally get some rosy back on. "So you left her? For real?" 

Noel wraps his second hand around Cam's neck, pulling him close for their foreheads to touch. He feels Cam's breath fanning his skin and his heartbeat speeds up. "I left her. For real." he confirms and doesn't miss the sigh of relief the redhead lets out. "I told you, I want you. Only you," he grins, tilting his chin upwards for their lips to touch, "even though you were a dick the last few days." 

"Hey!", Cam protests, not pulling an inch away from Noel's lips, though, "I thought I was going to get my heart broken. Never thought you are going to choose me." 

"Told you, you're an idiot," he smiles, making Cam giggle, before they both finally give in and open their mouths simultaneously for their tongues to meet. Goosebumps spread all over Noel's body, proving to him once again what his heart secretly knew for years. He's so fucking in love with Cameron Monaghan. "I'd always choose you." 

"Even over cats?" 

"Yep." 

"And pancakes?" 

"Yes." 

"And Pop tarts?" 

"Hey! You don't gotta make fun of pop tarts!" 

Cam huffs a chuckle into Noel's mouth that later one immediately absorbs and savours. That's exactly what he always wanted - making the redhead laugh and to see the lines on the corner of his eyes lighten up. In an instant the sadness seems to disappear on the beautiful freckled face and Noel gives in to the pleasure of feeling him smile against his lips. 

"Goddamn, you've got so much in common with Mickey," Cam states, the tip of his tongue swiping over the brunet's top lip. 

"Yeah, and you love it," he retorts confidently, his teeth nibbling into the other's bottom lip and drawing it out, before slipping his tongue into him. 

"Mhmmm," Cam moans in the heat of their kiss, pulling away a bit to suck some air into his lungs "always had a secret crush on him and the guy who portrays him." 

"Secret, like fuck," the smaller man giggles, now that he isn't afraid to lose him anymore, "C'mere." 

Within seconds the kiss deepens and greedy hands start rubbing up and down their bodies. There's so much more Noel wants to tell him, so much more they have to sort out, but at the moment the only important thing is to have him close and not let him go. Never again, that one is clear. 

When their pants become more ragged and their hips start searching for friction, Noel's vision is already so zoned out, that he doesn't even notice the door opening again. 

Only a giddy "Shit," tears him out of his haze and back to reality, where he finds Jeremy standing in the door frame, looking slightly amused. "Sorry to interrupt you horny teenagers, but the whole make up team is looking for your ass, Noel." 

Not able to get a single sound out of his throat, standing still shell shocked only a few inches from Cam, he nods perplexed. Shit, Jeremy found out. What will he think? What will Cam think? Is he going to freak out, just like him? 

But when he peers at his lover, he stands there calmly, hands fisted in his pockets, a light smile hanging on his lips. That confuses him even more, which Cameron seems to notice. "He knew," he shrugs innocently, "found out at the dinner." 

"He _knew_?" 

"I knew," the blonde confirms, "and now that we clarified this, could you please get your tattoos painted on? You guys are already late for your scene." 

Blinking his bafflement away, and without thinking about it much further, he takes a step towards the door, only to be pulled back by his wrists. A chaste kiss is plastered on his lips, Cam giving him a soft smile, that warms his whole heart. "Thank you," he mumbles, "for.. you know, giving me a chance. _Us_." 

"Nothing to thank me for, Cam, I lo-" 

"Alright you two lovebirds, stop it now and go to work. You're delaying all of our schedules." 

With his heart still racing in his chest from his nearly confession, he gathers every courage he can find to break their locked gaze and take a few steps away from his man. "See you on set," he murmurs happily, before he follows Jeremy out of the dressing room. 

Thoughts are running like crazy through the heavy fog of his mind, but the only one that's recurring, is 'He's mine.' And somehow he can't shake the goofy grin off his face, whenever it's occurring. 

"You happy now?" Jeremy asks, before they come to a halt in front of the make up trailer. 

Blue meets blue, both lips carrying a pleased smile. "I am." 

"You guys finally ready to shoot one of your last scenes?" John asks, as Noel appears on set, giving his lover a shy smile. When the redhead smiles back with a joyful glint in his eyes, everything starts tingling in the shorter man. This is exactly the feeling he needs to film their last scenes. 

"Yeah," he breathes, his smile spreading as he nods to Cam. He adjusts his sleeveless t-shirt and goes into position in the basement of the Gallagher house, his lover following suit. 

"Alright, this is going to be epic!" the producer exults, hurrying behind one of the six placed cameras, that surround the set. 

Another man steps up, his face covered in fake blood, positioning himself on the floor and lets himself be tied to a fake pipe. Noel kneels down to him, giving him an sympathic smile, Cam getting ready beside him. When everything is said and done, and only Cam, Noel and the third actor, Pete, are left in the filming spot, John calls out, "Aaaand Action!" 

"You going to tell me who sent you, _now_?" Noel asks in annoyed Mickey tune, flexing his fingers and showing his bloody knuckles, "or you need another conviction?" Their hostage winces and coils up to a trembling ball. Noel balls his fist, ready to throw another punch, when he feels a hand stopping him on the elbow, pulling him up. 

"Hey, hey," Cam hisses, facing him chest to chest with an inflictive look, "easy. We need him alive, remember?" 

Noel scrunches up his face, "Fucker needs to learn a lesson. No one's following a Milkovich around."

"Yeah," Cam sighs, "he got that pretty clear after the first punch. But he won't talk, Mick, he'd loose his head." 

"Should've fucking stayed a priest," their victim mutters, both of their heads shooting in his direction. 

"Huh?" Noel turns towards him, shooting him a death glare, "What did you say?" 

Their hostage straightens up, speaking louder, "I said, I should've fucking stayed a priest. Was happy as a priest." Noel's dark eyebrows shoot up, sharing an incredulous look with his lover, "Don't know what fucking got into me to go and defect to the cartel just to make more money." 

"You're a priest?" Cam, alias Ian asks him a little flabbergasted. 

"I'm not still speaking Spanish, am I?" 

Noel takes a quick step towards him, his hand clenching to a fist again. 

"Mick!" Ian again stops him, his voice lower now. 

"What, you got a thing for priests now?" 

"No!" Cam hisses through gritted teeth, "But this could be the answer to our problem." 

Mickey is still not getting it, Noel knitting his brows in confusion for him, "Having a priest tied to our basement?" He crosses his arms in front of his chest. 

The taller man rolls his eyes in annoyance, "No," he snaps, "Having your last name not be Milkovich anymore." 

A few moments of silence pass, in which Noel keeps staring dumbfounded at him, before the realization hits him and he forms his lips to a silent _'Oh'_. "You wanna marry me, Gallagher?" 

Unsure, the redhead nibbles on his bottom lip. "I mean.. You could be a little more safe from the cartel, if you'd change your last name, right?" He stems his hands in his waist. 

"Yeah," Noel's eyes suddenly widen, all the hard lines gone from his face within seconds, "And maybe those fuckers from the drugstore would finally stop bitching around about handing over your pills to me, if we're hitched," he says, uncrossing his arms in an open gesture. 

"Yeah, yeah," Ian encourages him, "So totally logical reasons, right?" One of his red eyebrows raises in question. 

They let a few more quiet beats pass, before Noel grins at him widely, "Thought you'd never ask, asshole." 

Both of their faces split into the biggest smile, before they hear a loud "Cut!" and are pulled from the scene. "Perfect! Two or three more takes just like that, then we should have it and head over to the Alibi setting for our very last scene; the long awaited celebration of the Gallavich wedding." 

Noel and Cam both nod in unsion, pleased about the ending of their characters for this season.

"Alright, three minutes, then we start again. Need to shift the angle of this camera a bit." John tells them. 

The brunet cocks his head in the direction of the drinking bar, Cam following suit. They pour themselves a glass of water, while their eyes stay locked in a happy expression. 

Suddenly the younger man snorts, "I can't believe our characters get to have a happy ending together. This is Shameless!"

Putting the glass back on the bar, the brunet steps up to him, putting his hand on Cam's beautiful face, not caring a bit, who's able to see them. "And us...", he smiles luckily, "We got our happily ever after, together, too, right?" 

"Yeah," Cam breathes softly, leaning down to press his forehead against Noel's, "but that part was always meant to be." 

The older man feels his heart thrumming wildly in his chest, his whole face cracking into a wide smile, when warm lips find his own. Without being scared of people seeing them, he indulges himself in that kiss, embracing all the wonderful and intense feelings this man is able to achieve. 

There's no reason for him to be scared anymore. He loves Cameron Monaghan and is loved in return. Could there be a better feeling in this world? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the feedback and encouraging words. This means a lot <3


End file.
